??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
