It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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