Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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