Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
