it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
