Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
