I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
