Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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