also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
