My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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