I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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