I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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