I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
