I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
