We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
