i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
