The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
