sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
