Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I FOUND THE LEGS
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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