batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize