he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
