i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize