Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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