Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
