I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
