My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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