I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dignity is for republicans.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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