Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize