If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
