Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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