I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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