If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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