Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Randomize
