Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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