hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
