If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
