I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
