you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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