she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
