I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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