Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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