The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
