my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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