i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
