I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
