i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
