so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
