I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
