dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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