Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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