U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize