I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
