You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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