the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
