East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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