Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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