Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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