I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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