just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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