He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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