I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
