The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Sober January is a disaster.
Mom said you looked used
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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