she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
