So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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