I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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