my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
