So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Too much gin, very little bucket
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
