True but thats because hes a fetus.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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