bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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