We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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