Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
