i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
