In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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