If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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