I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
