so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
