you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
