watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
