no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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