when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I need moral support for this bender
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
