I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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