yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Only a mothe r could love this liver
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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