Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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