I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
