You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
