You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
