Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
