somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We smell like vodka and hangover
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