If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We have started to decorate penises.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
