i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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