Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
