I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
