i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
