his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
