I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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